A healthy relationship needs regular and positive communication between the two partners. Good communication is the corner stone of a healthy relationship, just as much as mutual respect and intimacy.
Everyone communicates, even when they think they are not doing so. Two people sitting opposite each other in a doctor’s waiting room are in communication even though they don’t speak. There is eye contact from time to time, or a deliberate avoidance of eye contact, and an acknowledgement of each other’s presence. They may talk, or there may be a silent understanding that they don’t want to talk. There may be a power struggle, with one of the two wanting to interact while the other avoids interaction and keeps silent. They will probably be sizing each other up, and could make a good estimate of the other person’s age, social class and maybe what they are suffering from, without asking any questions.
Think then how much more rich and detailed is the communication between partners in a healthy relationship. You already know a lot of things about your partner, and you can predict quite accurately where they will be in the house and what they will be doing at any time. There are probably some things which are problematic between you, such as resentment about not spending enough time together and being late for joint activities such as meals. There is much non-verbal communication, which can be in the form of eye contact, smites or frowns, tone of voice, posture, touch and the distance between you – all of which can make the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhappy one.
The non-verbal communication between partners is a good indicator of the health of the relationship. Research has shown that couples with a healthy relationship make regular eye contact, while those who have a troubled relationship rarely look at each other. Deliberately making eye contact with your partner is one way of improving non-verbal communication.
Many of the everyday contacts between partners are made non-verbally. A touch on the shoulder makes for a very healthy relationship, and may say more than a hundred words. Smiles can indicate positive feelings, and reassure the partner that they are cared for, although they can also be misinterpreted if there is tension between you.
Frowns can of course have the opposite effect. The tone of voice is a further indication of how you are treating each other. This can vary between angry, cold, dictatorial, submissive, warm and pacifying. Couples can change their interaction quite quickly by moderating the tone of voice in their communications. Learning how to control your tone of voice will go a long way to helping maintain a healthy relationship.
Another aspect of the non-verbal communication is how close the partners are to each other when they speak. The nearer they are, on the whole, the less they need to raise their voices, and the more their communication will be peaceful and positive. If they choose to sit or stand further away, then the likelihood is that they will have to shout to be heard, and the partner will think that the speaker is angry or impatient. So in building a healthy relationship, try to be as close as possible (within reason) to each other when talking so as to avoid unnecessary shouting.
Their verbal communication is equally important, and may involve both positive and negative aspects. There is a tendency to make assumptions about the other partner, which may lead to misinterpreting what is said as being hostile or angry, when the speaker does not feel angry. This can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations, which can blight the relationship and cause friction and angry feelings. The partners then begin to cast blame on each other, and each sees him/herself as the victim of unreasonable behavior.
Mail this post Guides
No comments:
Post a Comment